I Fear Abandonment…

At the age of 30, I have realized that my inner fear breaks the strength to be the way, I actually am. I try to be what others like, with the perspective of that they don’t go away from my life. But now, it is exhausting for me to hold tight everyone around; because I can’t.

All my life I had preconceived notions of how any relationship must be, but it has never worked that way. I had infused honesty, affection, care and all the best ingredients‚Äč to create one delicious relationship. With one snap of a finger, all goes off, I don’t even get time to prepare myself to exit from someone’s life. I feel as if someone holds me from the collar, and threw me out of the door by saying: ” Your time is over, bye bye!”

Yes, it hurts. It’s not even considerate of other people to do it. Can we do something about it? I guess not!

At least, I can break this pattern of fear. I have given a lot of deep thought and wondered: “Why has it been me?” With all courage, I had to admit myself that surely there is something wrong with me. The million dollar question was – what is it exactly that makes me suffer in a relationship?

I received answers during ‘Om chanting meditation’ of about 30 minutes. I let empower them over my emotions. I let them get inside my skin and they take liberty to crawl. I start to get uneasy and as time passes, when they guzzle all my blood, and when nothing is left for them to feed on, they withdraw.

Thinking how to fix it; of course, the solution will not be on my roof but soon I will find one.

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