As I went off to bed, my mind simply couldn’t remain silent. My brain with all the internal wires started speaking to me in different languages as how much a futile life, I am living. My somber life just made me tearful.
I wish I could have a tad control over my life. But, the more I chase to fix it, the more dreadful it turned. As if, everything around me was behaving unruly. All I did was kept cursing my destiny and soaked up my pillow. I knew my puffy eyes would require a fix-up tomorrow however, I just couldn’t stop myself.
The entire night, I rolled in my bed, thinking how to see a positive light in it. All the doors are closed, but there has to be one glowing door that is purely meant for me. I didn’t get answers/solutions to my ongoing problems.
So, I thought – what the hell? Maybe, this is what my life demands me. That I don’t do anything and just revive my lost energy before I bounce back to be a ‘vigaro’ (warrior). I am not earning, not cooking (at times), neither I have to worry paying off the bills and maybe God was trying to be kind to me, in some way because I have gone through a trauma of a lifetime.
So I keep on looking for different type of activities to keep myself occupied. I take other people’s work to ease off their shoulder because I don’t have anything to do.
But, the beauty of doing nothing is that I am learning significantly. You never know, all these lessons of different jobs – home and office can land me in an excellent job very soon.
Feel free to advise me, if there is something that you all do in your free time; maybe, that can help me to keep myself occupied and it will make my life, somewhat interesting.