I don’t really understand the purpose of my existence in this world. My life has become a standstill, like a boat in the middle of the sea, without a compass for the sense of direction. I never thought that I will come at this point of my life where I will not believe anyone, not a single person on this earth. So, who is left to trust? Obviously, it is just me and my loneliness.
As I started living with my lonesome life I’ve realised that I am not really lonely. I always have myself surrounded around beautiful human beings, but still, I couldn’t manage to get rid of the vacuum that my life has thrown on me. So, my marital status says ‘Married’ yet I am living a life of a single. Not for a while but always (though it’s not been too long that I’ve been married). With the passage of time, I’ve become comfortable with my loneliness. My near and dear ones have started judging me but, did I have the option to get over it. Yes, I don’t deny that I have trust issues, but was I always like this? No. I was a fluttering butterfly with beautiful dreams and with the golden heart. Why do I brag this? Because I’ve always tried to help everyone in their thick and thins and when my ship sank they all distanced their boats. I felt so betrayed, that I am too scared to get hurt again. This betrayal business is just not stopping anywhere.
I wish someone can guide me where is the light to my tunnel. I feel non-grata. I have no clue – Why am I born? Everyone has a sense of purpose but why I don’t have one yet. My mind has no idea of how to begin my life, once again. My heart does not understand how to love once again. I wish I could get answers to it. Not that I have not tried finding answers to it. Why I wasn’t given a normal life like other people of waking up in the morning, going to earn a livelihood, make a career, and repeat. Though, I always sense that I am different than other people, maybe because I am always ready to stand on my beliefs and principles. I am still looking for answers about my life and I don’t know til how long I need to continue to look for.